Wednesday, May 2, 2018

Blue Eyes Always Take Hold of Me

"They'll have to live with the trail of evidence for the rest of their relationship," Brad said.

I nodded.

"Seriously though, no matter when they 'come out of hiding' or go public, everyone around them will know what the actual story is. Parents will question it. Hell, the head coach should question it. I'm into gross things," he smirked, "but there are just a lot of lines that were crossed here."

I nodded some more.

"He went to church with her and the next day came to talk to your mom about marrying you, that's insane to me," he continued to shake his head, "and this chick knew about you the entire time."  

He paused for a moment and then asked, "What happens when they break up?"

I shrugged my shoulders.

"Exactly, he'll run," he continued.

I replied, "That's what Ian said."

"I don't know who that is but he's right. It's shady as shit. It's bizarre that he's already around someone else's kids. These two people aren't right in the head and you need to be thankful you got out of it before there was a ring on your finger. And look, I'm on your couch so perk up," he smirked again.

"Oh, I'm perked," I laughed. 

He grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me toward him, "Then act like it."

This time we weren't standing up near my front door or behind his sofa. This time I sank into the couch and felt the weight of him on top of me, finally. I gave in to his sly smile and broad chest. I'm always taken back by his height, always comparing him to another. The freckles across his cheeks and nose don't take away from his handsomeness. He's older now. And his earthy musk mixed with leftover cologne, he smelled like a man. There was no hint of beer to his taste this time either.

His favorite thing to do is to trace my tattoos. He lifted my shirt up and took in a full view of my newest addition. 

"So, you're getting another one Thursday," he asked.

I nodded as Brad kissed the spot on my ribs that I used as a placeholder for new pieces of art. His mouth eventually trailed back up alongside my neck and found its place on my own. 

I really was okay. The history behind my ex that was uncovered had been making me physically sick. Knowing that he had been with multiple women within one year's time and never single, each relationship flowing right into the next, made me nauseous - but also extremely grateful that I made him get an STI test before anything ever went down between the two of us. Breaking up with his pregnant girlfriend to begin a relationship with someone nearly ten years his junior made me want to rip off my own skin and replace it with something, anything, he had never touched before. When I was told that his signal for finding a new girlfriend was that he'd go into his room at his parents' house and sift through yearbook pictures, I was slightly scared, concerned, and I could feel the regurgitation in my throat.

I was still in the process of separating who he actually was into who he pretended to be with us. I was still coming to the realization that this person I loved was just a phony. But I was okay because I had decided that I didn't want someone who "acted right" just for me. I wanted someone that was a good man, through and through. Love can change someone for the better but I wanted him to walk into my life with the type of character that God was already proud of. I was tired of being someone's "fix it." I wanted an equal. 

Those thoughts faded away within the night though. With Brad's hard hands up the back of my shirt and the slight danger that someone wouldn't be happy to know what I was doing, I forgot it all in the midst of his warm lips and slight stubble. He has blue eyes too. And it never fails, blue eyes always take hold of me.

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