Monday, April 2, 2018

We're Your Girls

To him,

I wanted our family more than all of the books on the shelf. And that scared me. It scared me because I knew I couldn’t lose that. And you, you found love that was different, real, big. I know that was scary. What’s scarier than that though? Watching someone else take it. 

I can’t imagine you being okay with letting us just walk out your life. I can’t imagine any of this being the right, certain choice. I feel it, it’s so wrong. You were home to us the moment you came into our lives. And we were yours, that’s why you snuck in so fast. Now you’re hiding hoping that this will all blow over and you can go back to life before me and Claire were a part of it.

If you’re cheating, it won’t last. You won’t commit yourself to some church-going woman, who are you kidding? And to risk your jobs because of it is naive too. You found your match in me and you’ve thrown it out. THAT is what should scare you. The fact that you’re actively choosing to waste our relationship. To waste the chances at having a home, a family, a future that you can call your own and CONTINUE being proud of. Your own best friend told me he was jealous of your situation. Understood that you could be scared, but jealous.

I really wanted a conversation with answers. Closure if you truly decided that you didn’t want us. But you still say you do? I don’t know what you’ve been doing or who you’ve been with but I know it can not compare to our time together. It was special. You going behind my back and talking to my best friend about loving me and marrying me. You putting my photo and name online for the world to see, that was big for you - you told me that on more than one occasion. So I hope you’ve really thought this through. Because once me and Claire walk out that door we are gone forever. What kind of man let’s fear ruin something that was so good? Fear that can be overcome with the support and love from those that know you best. And those that know you best have been worried and confused and fighting for you to stop making poor decisions.

Maybe the choice of sleeping whenever, wherever and with whomever is better than sleeping beside me / us every night. Maybe falling asleep alone playing video games is better than finishing a tv show with me. Maybe the weekends open to coach as much as you want is better than taking a weekend trip or having us there right next to you - which you know we would be. That’s sad though that those “things” are better than love in your book. Hopefully I will find someone that does everything you did, but WANTS to continue. You date and meet different people in hopes that you find your person and you did, at least that’s what you say. I didn’t see myself with anyone else, ever. I didn’t see or imagine anyone else for Claire. We’re your girls, you said you were going to fix it and come home.
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