Friday, December 30, 2016

In A Month

In a month I'll be 28. I may be a few pounds heavier or lighter. My hair will be just a tiny bit longer. I'll be packing for my first solo trip. Maybe I'll have met someone new. Or maybe that one will have bounced back from his temporary loss of sanity. 

In a month I'll have that day in my sight. A year of so much will be coming to a close and I'll be finishing it off with a kiss from an Australian stranger. Or maybe he'll be from the states or Europe. It doesn't matter, because it'll all come full circle in a magical way.

In a month I'll be able to say that I survived a year alone. And I don't mean that in a sense of singleness. But I survived a year alone when I needed a partner. I raised a beautiful little girl alone for a year. Of course my parents helped me, her aunts and uncles were there too. There's a difference though when you get home at night and lock the front door. Actually, now I lock the storm door too. 

In a month I'll have a finished manuscript. That's the scariest part of all because that's when I can fail. I don't plan on allowing that to happen. I'll just try something else. But all that work, the tears, the worries and the thoughts that are constantly taking up space in my head can be divulged and thrown out to the wolves. 

In a month I hope that I've grown again. I hope that I let more of the bad go. I've never professed that I'm perfect or that I've been perfect throughout the hardships. In fact, most of the time I'm a bit of a mess. But I still hold strong to the fact that I haven't done bad myself. I'm proud of that.

In a month I bet that I'll be still itching to talk someone. It's someone that I shouldn't want to talk with. I shouldn't want to care this much for. But in a month I'll also be over what happened this month. I won't feel dumb anymore.

You know, there are so many people that will try to take my writing and turn it into something it's not. Just because I put words to my feelings doesn't mean that I feel things more than others. I just know how to express it. Just because I put words to my experiences doesn't mean that I "make a bigger deal" out of them than others. I just have a good memory. So in a month, I hope that someone realizes these things. I'm abnormal for a lot of reasons but it's certainly not because I'm in touch with my emotions.

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