Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Full Circles & Embarrasments



Sometimes I feel like I'm put into unbelievable or ridiculous or awkward or highly embarrassing moments for the simple fact that I'm supposed to eventually write about them. I swear, the weirdest stuff happens to me. ON A DAILY BASIS, and sometimes it's so good, I couldn't make it up in my wildest dreams. Well, I could, but real life seems to be so much better and more entertaining. 

This has been my week thus far. Three situations that made me uncomfortable. Three situations that made me giggle. And three situations that needed to be honestly told about, aside from the people's names, we'll leave those out. 

Situation #1: Tinder Man

Dear Tinder Man,

We matched. You messaged. I messaged back a total of three times before I figured out that I wasn't interested and I was just going to delete Tinder altogether. And then a friend of mine sent me a screenshot of my ex's "secret" Facebook later that day. We noticed that said ex had been tagged in a post by someone we had never heard of. Imagine my surprise when we quickly realized it was you. Just days before you matched with me, you were hanging out with him downtown at 2AM. 

I hate to break it to you, but you're hitting on your buddy's ex-wife. That's his daughter in the photos with me that you've so flatteringly commented about. I could believe that you were set up, which I highly doubt. What does said ex have to gain from that? He's too busy getting his head shaved as I type this. Instead, this just leads me to believe that said ex hasn't mentioned us, at least his daughter, to you because you'd at least know what she looks like. It also leads me to believe that said ex's new pals have really great taste in women. 

**Tinder is now gone from my phone for the time being. I can only take so much. I also bypassed my ex-brother-in-law. Yikes. 

Situation #2: Little Girl

Dear Little Girl,

Imagine my surprise when I saw your resume at work today. Your name popped up and I got a very, very sick feeling in my stomach. I hate to think that we're going to run into each other again, like that time you happen to already be there at Panera when I was meeting my husband - at the time - to talk about our situation. The situation you so lovingly perpetuated. 

As such a young girl, you may not have realized that being picked up from your parents' house by your boss was a terribly inappropriate and unprofessional decision. Ya know, that time when he came to get you - a week or two after he decided to walk out on his family - and play around with you and your buds downtown. While you went out and had fun that night, I was at home dealing with a baby, alone, cutting four teeth. I would think that if you didn't realize how unprofessional that was, it was at least wrong to get in his car, late at night, when he was married with a child. But I guess everyone makes mistakes. 

You also went to his parents' house for a party he decided to throw. That night, I was again, at home, alone, taking care of our child. The one he planned to have with me. The one he wanted to have before I did. The child we had while I put off getting my masters degree, the masters degree I could have gotten from Johns Hopkins - where I was accepted without having to take the GRE because my GPA was so high, higher than yours, I noticed. I hope your summer was incredible with my husband. While you played kickball with him and went out drinking for Irish-fest, I was at home, taking care of a baby with RSV while he made sure your friend got home safely instead of answering the phone to bring us pedialyte. 

 So, sure, come chat with me sometime maybe we can work together too. We've already shared a lot. 

Situation #3: Young Stud

Dear Young Stud, 

What happened? For weeks you were texting me. We chatted a lot. We argued and bickered a lot. I told you things. I respected your insight. And your persistence opened my eyes to the thought of actually dating someone 6 years younger than me. You talked your way into my head, gracefully and quite intelligently. But maybe you're just a good game-player and I'm just too honest. 

That first time on the phone with you made me feel differently. "Does divorce make you a horrible person Grace," you forcefully asked me. "Does divorce make Claire a horrible person Grace," you continued. No, it didn't and you made me believe that I wasn't tainted from it, that you didn't care about any of that. Thank you. 

Then things got a little grey. Hot one day. Cold the next. I could feel it but I didn't ask why, not until our phone call a little over a week ago. We were just goofing off when you made the conversation go a bit serious. "Am I just wasting time talking with a woman," you began. 

I tried to explain how I felt but I needed something from you too. You were asking for me to divulge a lot without knowing what you wanted. You told me you were confused about what to do with me because you didn't know how I felt, that I hadn't said anything for you to know. And that's when I word vomitted how I felt. 

I didn't care about the age or our two different situations. I said I didn't need you or anything from you, it's about me wanting the person. And me wanting you, or at least wanting to see you when you got back, is so much more powerful and special than needing you. We left the conversation with you saying, "Okay, now we're getting somewhere," but I needed to go inside to get Claire and you needed to go to bed. You said you'd text the next morning and you did.

But again, things got grey and you went MIA. The last time I heard from you, you were texting me to tell me that the snap I glanced at after you posted didn't have anything to do with me. Admittedly, I didn't think it did. "Tired of seeing people waste time," was as far as I got before the photo vanished. I sarcastically replied with "Yessir. Glad you felt the need to clear that up." And that's the last I heard from you.

I've texted you a couple of times. I told you that you were so damn confusing the day after this snap interaction. Then after the weekend I acknowledged your passing birthday. And then today, I sent you a snap asking if you were still ignoring me - because my curiosity has been peaked. How do we go from that type of conversation and you caring enough to let me know that a certain "snap" didn't have anything to do with me, to you disappearing and to now my surprise ... unfriending me on Snapchat no less. See above screenshot. That seems a little immature? It at least seems super shady, and pointless.

I can draw my own conclusions. Something shady is probably going on, I'm not dense. I can also take a hint. But like I said, my curiosity is peaked. Why do people act so strangely? I'm so used to be completely open and upfront with myself that it confuses me to no end when they act so, well, weird. I hope one day you tell me. I hope you're okay.
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