Monday, August 29, 2016

Don't Panic

To really get the full effect of this post start playing Ellie Golding's "Don't Panic" and listen to it on low while reading. 


The story always starts the same way. So, there's this guy ...

This time I'm writing for three us. There are these guys. And they're scared. They like their comfort but that doesn't stop their curiosity. And we just want to scream at them, "Dive in dammit! The water feels so good and the swim will be magic!"

Six years of talking. Two months of promises. Weeks of confusion. They're all so different yet all so the same. And we're here, half of us waiting for him to come around while the other half of us just wants to say, "F*ck you! You're such a dumbass for letting me walk away."

There's a reason that she's in Australia, of all places. There's a reason that it feels like my life fell apart this year and I started talking to you. There's a reason she hasn't been scooped up by any of the boyfriends that fell to her feet throughout the years. There's a reason that your fingers linger on the phone when you want to send a text or make a call. Stop ignoring the reason because you've been hurt, or you've messed up, or you're busy or there's another woman in the picture that tugs on the guilty strings of your heart.

Don't panic when you feel like you've gotten in too deep. That's just your roots settling. Brooke is so happy. She wants to live everywhere with you. She wants to try everything with you. She wants to eat everything and feel everything and watch everything with you. And I'm, well, the vulnerable one. My heart melts a little bit every time you opened up and allowed me to be honest. It's very easy to hurt my feelings but it's also very easy to make me happy. I've got goals that aren't confined to a tiny box and I really wanted you to start experiencing the next stretch of life with me. And Leah is a force. She is a storm of bedroom eyes and comebacks that you won't know how to handle. But you can learn to handle it, and you can learn to handle her and she'll soften.

The problem is we can't wait forever. Even though it seems like we can. Even though it feels good to place us on the backburner while you eat your eggs for breakfast. The same eggs you have everyday. The same eggs that fuel you and get you to work on time. We are not eggs. We are a full feast that will make your stagnant life a little more lively and full of feelings that not everyone gets to experience. Who wants to eat eggs for the rest of their life?

You need to be bold and take a chance while she's right there in front of you. Because if you don't, if you wait to realize that your feelings are something undeniably special, she'll be back at home and taken by someone else that's been waiting for her. And if you hate traveling, let me show you how wonderful it can be. I'll let you teach me things too, I promise, because you made me trust in those words. Boy, oh boy, if you have a chance to get her to love you, then you get a most special gift. You get love that's willingly given away instead of given in desperation.

Don't panic because your daily routine will be jarred for a bit. Create something new. You may have to go out of your way. You may have to take an extra drive. You may not be able to get constant attention and validation from other women. You may break someone else's heart, but I promise she will get over it. She will find someone else to live in luxury with. But you, you will find a life worth the struggle. I can also promise that the "what if's" and the heartbreak you will give yourself for not jumping in and taking a chance, you will never forgive yourself for or get over.

If you do panic and ruin something that could be so good, what will you do when you get online and see photos of her and her adventures that don't have you in them? Instead, there's someone else at her side, someone else that she may care about but will never measure up to the way she feels about you in this moment. What will you do when we run into each other, any day of the week? You love my hair. You'll notice it before you even realize that it's me and then what will you do? Will you walk away? And what's going to happen when she sends you something she found online but instead of hinting at a relationship, she tells you she's done and moved on? How will you feel in the pit of your stomach?

You told me you didn't want to bail. So stop bailing on us.
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