Tuesday, May 26, 2015

The "High-Maintenance" Myth

    Over the weekend, I read an article in Glamour's July 2013 edition called "Why It's Good to be High Maintenance" by Amber Madison (author of Are All Guys Assholes?).

 It's been a long time since I read something that moved me that much, that I felt so strongly about. I am so compelled by the eloquent way this woman put some of my thoughts onto paper that I just want to make copies and tape the article to the face of every woman and teenager I come across. I felt so passionate towards it, I cut it out of Glamour magazine and it's in safekeeping for Claire to see someday, it's something that she'll need to read and let resonate. 

We hear the term "high maintenance" all the time in reference to women. Most of the time it's women who like to shop, like to wear heels, do their hair and paint their nails. We also hear the term in reference to women who simply ask and tell what they want. Whether it be how they're ordering a particular sandwich or what they expect out of their partner. Well, I've been calling that, for lack of a better word, complete crap, for years. And finally, someone else shouted it from the rooftops.

This article isn't particularly long but it packs quite the punch. Here are some of my favorite snippets:

"Women worry about losing a guy if they ask too much," says Joy Davidson, Ph.D., a New York city therapist. "So we tend to put men's needs above our own and hide what we want in a relationship." 

"Ladies, we're being ridiculous! Wanting to know where a relationship is going is not high maintenance."

"Perhaps we're afraid of expressing ourselves in relationships because deep down we fear that the men we're with don't want to be with us. We worry that if we make a peep, we'll wake the sleeping giant..."

"One reason showing your high maintenance side can be scary: To get what you need, you have to say what you need, and that means being vulnerable. But what's scarier? Pretending everything's peachy all the time, because then you'll end up with a guy who treats your feelings the way you do - as if they don't exist."

How many of you know women who do this? I know several - and that's too many. Too many women play a particular part so their man thinks they're this easy, breezy lady, when inside they're completely unfulfilled but are trying to fulfill themselves with this idea of a great man while suppressing their own wants and needs. It's crap, it's stupid and you won't live a very happy life in the long run. There's nothing special about being "low maintenance," when you'll be a lot more respected when you expect your expectations to be met. 

Read the full article here.

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